I’ve found that since I’ve been sober I question my worth every now and again… it can come from nowhere it literally just pops into my mind. I try to remind myself that I am worthy and loved.. maybe it’s just old guilt coming back up to bug me. Not every day will be perfect.. some days it requires a lot more work than others but you have to remind yourself that this too shall pass and look at how far you’ve come.
I was silent the past few days fighting a brief stomach bug. I didnt leave my bed for a few days. Hope everyone is well today!
I havent had much on my mind besides being ill but I know I want to inspire and I cant do that being silent. When life gets stressful or even boring, my mind can wander off to the what if train….what if i just have one glass of wine, i will be okay. what if i just use on the weekends, i can control it now its been long enough…these are lies I still entertain at times until i bring myself back into reality and say NO! I dont want to go back, i have come too far. say a little prayer and keep on the right path of love and happiness.
here’s to a new day!
Each and every day that we wake up it’s an opportunity to start over. Whatever happened yesterday has passed and you made it through it. I have had to learn to wake up and make myself say this to myself over and over until it became natural. I used to wake up and be holding onto old baggage that made me miserable. It was like I was living the same bad day over and over because I was allowing myself to. Don’t allow yourself to suffer any more than you have to. It may not have been your choice to lose your job or breakup with your partner or whatever, but it absolutely IS your choice how you will handle the situation. Not so great things happen to us all, it’s life, we cant change that so why smolder in it. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue pushing forward. If you have a higher power (whatever that may be), lean on that. My life has more peace in it because I have a higher power that I know has my back. It doesn’t have to be a “God” figure, it can be anything. Personally, I am more of a spiritual person than a religious one. thats my choice. the point is, having a higher power, whatever that looks like, has changed my life in many ways. I walk in faith and trust that i will be okay and that everything happens for a reason. Everyone have a beautiful day and remember, leave the baggage behind
i have to remind myself every day that I cannot get comfortable. what I mean by that is that I cannot forget that I must work on myself a little each day. When in recovery, it is one day at a time… thats exactly what life must be… one day at a time. Once I think that I am better and can slack off, i’m in trouble. Some days are harder than others. I have days that I don’t think I will make it through.. I find myself resentful of the fact that I am not like so many others who can control themselves. Meditation really helps. I thought it was a crock at first until I really tried it. It is an amazing relaxation and mind clearing tool. I find that when I am on the off days, meditation grounds me and puts me right back where I need to be. It doesnt always pull me out of a funk, but it’s nice. As long as you remind yourself that each day is a new oppurtunity to build yourself higher, you can do anything. Good day ya’ll!
Good morning and have a lovely day everyone…. ❤️🙏
It started with me using stimulants like Adderall to study longer, stay awake and get some relief from my wandering mind. It worked the first time I took it and I got more done that night than I’d done in a week. It was a miracle drug for me because it grounded me enough to be able to get things done. I had energy that I had never experienced before. I knew this is what I needed so I got a prescription for it. It was pretty easy to get and the first time I took my own, again, amazing energy and motivation like ive never experienced. I was so happy to have found this and I knew things were going to change for me. Well, they did. No where near like id hoped they would. I began experimenting with taking one more pill when the energy started to taper off. Before I knew it, id been up for 24+ hours and losing control. Sure, this worked for a while. Kind of a fun recreational high to get going. It quickly changed from recreational to desperation. I found myself two weeks away from my next med refill and completely out. Oh well, ill just wait two weeks and get more. Easier said than done. After the energy high wore off physically, I crashed and felt like I was a zombie. I was so tired but my mind was still energized. So I would lay awake for hours on end, unable to keep my eyes from fluttering. Getting up and down, trying to stay occupied but so sleepy its impossible. If you’re up long enough, I realized I wasn’t alone. I began to hear and see things that I knew weren’t there. I thought I was going crazy. Should be enough for me to leave the pills alone right? wrong. Fast forward 10 years and I began using everything from meth to vyvanse to get that high again. Problem was, it was gone and it didn’t come back. All that was left was misery and discomfort. Imagine, lying down and feeling your heart race then slow down and then almost stop.. wondering if at any minute you will go into cardiac arrest.. its real. It happened to me…